You may recall me posting earlier in the year about “freeing my feet”
I’ve been doing some downsizing in my volunteering- I’ve stepped down from the BLGBT (they’re looking for trustees of the charity so if you know anyone who might be interested let them know!), I’ve also dropped one of my social groups.
I’m still running the book group and the film group but have taken on a new challenge.
I’m now coordinator for the greenbelt festival literature programme. (That link takes you to last years lineup to give you a flavour of the huge act I have to follow)
I know some readers find Greenbelt a bit controversial and I still scratch my head as it’s one of the most liberal accepting faith based festivals around. If I could give away free tickets for you to come and see what it’s like I would. But I don’t get to make those sorts of decisions.
It’s very weird stepping into that sort of role as there’s a couple of people on the subgroup who’ve got books out that I’ve read and adored. It’s quite intimidating. Everyone’s been lovely but there’s that perpetual fear I have that someone will frown at me and say “You really don’t know what you’re doing do you?” and then hit me with a stick.
I felt like it when I was working full time in theatre. I’d be in workshops and I kept expecting a really old man to come running out of a cupboard waving his fist at me telling me to “be off with you” because I didn’t really belong there.
It’s one of those irrational fears.
Rachel (Greenbelt lovely and Israel holiday chum) wrote a lovely email introducing me to the group and it really built me up. I wrote and rewrote my email introducing myself several times. Double checked the spellings and punctuation. These are actual authors with proper jobs and keen literature types. And there’s me mixing up my tenses, getting my grammar wrong. It’s this fear that dovetails neatly into my “people are nodding just to humour me” fear.
Doesn’t get any easier telling people either. Then they just look at you like you’re a fearful loon.
I’m going to stop before I wind up in an ever increasing spiral of irrational fears.